Using a utensil- practice activities.

The simplest act of using a utensil begins when we introduce solid food.  I started both my kids around 6 months.  I loved the IKEA play set which contained real spoons and dishes.  They were the perfect size for infant portions.  As the gained better motor coordination, I gave them one spoon to their hand and I fed with another.  Soon, as they developed their abilities they were able to eat on their own around 12-14 months.

The emphasis for utensils is cultural.  Dr. Montessori pointed out that we are a product of our time and place.  Where and when we are  shape who we are.  Forks and spoons are a huge part of the Western etiquette for proper social behavior and table manners.  As an adult, it is our responsibility to help our children learn these social norms to adapt into society.  Many other cultures, including my own, use their fingers or chopsticks for meals and many different etiquette are part of those cultures and social norms. Because of this, I have allowed my children to both learn to eat with their hands and utensils, we're only now considering introducing the chopsticks to the 4 year old who has shown a great interest in it.  I'm working on getting the starter set!


Another aspect of table manners is also washing your hands before and after meals, and sitting while eating.  These are often seen as unnecessary or something that will come later as the child grows older.  Unfortunately, this is not true.  It is far more challenging to change habits when we don't start early.  Using wipes to clean an infants hands continues and a child then waits with their hands outstretched for it to be done for them.  Instead simply carrying them and washing their hands under running water will be as effective.  (I hope to do a pots on Washing Hands soon).

When I was teaching I had a little boy who was almost 3 whose mother asked me if she could come in at lunch time to feed him. I explained that it would be best for him to learn to eat on his own and by being with his peers who varied in age he would adapt quickly.  She called me everyday for weeks to see how he was doing.  When I said he had a lot of trouble sitting down for the meal she asked me if I would hold him and feed him.  I explained this would be impossible and it would be unproductive to his development.  It took a long time for this little boy to adapt, mostly because he wasn't expected to do the same at home.  He was fed all meals either in a high chair, or dinner which was in front of the TV so he wouldn't walk around as much.

My point in this story, is that it is in the home that the child learns the most basic and vital life skills that will serve him for the rest of his life.  Taking a little extra time and effort in the early years will benefit them greatly when they reach adulthood.

I was told a few years ago by a very close friend that she felt ill equipped with carrying on simple things like cleaning and cooking and how to care for herself as an adult because most of her life her mother did everything and never asked that the children help out. (see Road to Independence)

In many ways, we have to let go of things being perfect all the time, or things being messy, or things not being done the way WE want.  It's not about us, it's about the child and what's best for their development.  The only thing that will be perfect is the joy the child will have when he knows he did something all by himself.

 In this "presentation" two similar bowls and a small spoon are set up as above.  I spooned all the peas from one bowl to the other very slowly so that she could see my movements.  Once I was done, I moved the bowls back from full on left and empty on right, and then moved the tray in front of her so she could carry on. 

 This is a lesson in the Primary classroom, it's usually for a child between 2 1/2 to 3.  My little one is just 2 but I was aware of her abilities and felt confident in giving this to her.

Towards the end, she ended up pouring the grains from bowl to bowl.  Depending on who you ask, some might say to stop the activity, but recently when I attended a refresher course, it was also pointed out that if the child is engaged and seems to be concentrating and "working" then we should allow them to go on.  If they are misusing by banging and throwing then there is no purpose and it would be wise to ask them to clean up.  As you can guess, after a while the peas ended up all over the table and floor and so it resulted in cleaning up.




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Pressure Cooker Roast

I love my mom's Roast Beef!  It is like none other, except my grandmother's.  I've always avoided even wanting to know how to do it, until recently.  Now that my kids are able to chew up some meat, it is the best road trip sandwich.   I have such fond memories of my mom's roast beef and home made mustard sandwiches while driving in the back seat of some friend's van, truck, or bus.  The combination of the peppery beef and pungent and slightly sweet mustard is an art she has perfected. 

Last year, I tried it a few times and it turned out really well.  It just takes a long- LONG time.  You have to cook the roast in a pot half filled with water, salt, pepper and vinegar, then once it's soft, you separate the liquid and then brown some garlic in a good few spoons of olive oil.  This is where the roasting begins.  You put back the roast and then you keep basting it with the liquid and oil.  It is delicious!

This time, with my new (to me) pressure cooker, I decided to ask my mom how to do it in there.  Well, the cooking time was reduced to 20 min, which for the size of roast I used, I think was about 5 min too long.  I had also salted it a tad too much.  It was unbelievably fast, and since it turned out so soft, it was perfect for the kids.  When you get a grass fed center cut rib roast under $10, you grab it.  Grass feed tends to be a tad on the tougher side, so this method was perfect for it.

We enjoyed it with some turnip, chard, and cauliflower greens cooked in the brown bits of the pressure cooker pan.  Mashed turnips and potatoes, and what turned out to be a crazy creation of mashed sweet potato, carrot mix added to the turnip potato and then made into a pancake by adding egg, flax meal, almond meal, and some gluten free bread crumbs.  This was an experiment at it's best.  It took many versions to get it to form decently, but the kids did love them.

After all this, I forgot to eat it with the mustard! Rats. 

 The roast still in liquid before being roasted.  I guess I forgot to take an after pic, sorry.

 The greens with a good dusting of orange zest.

The experimental root vegetable-mash pancake.

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Parks vs. Playgrounds

Most of my friends know how I feel about playgrounds. In fact, it's a running joke now whenever a new article or post is written by another mom about how they shudder at the thought of taking their children to a playground.  Well, I figured it was time I articulated my feelings and sentiments.  Today, was the perfect day for this.

In the last few months we've been frequenting both playgrounds, and wide open spaces for hikes such as parks and canyons.  Even during our holiday travels we managed to squeeze both in checking out the newer designs of "natural" playgrounds, and Texas trails which included 2 live armadillos.

We even had a white Christmas which was a lot of fun for the kids.

So, what's my beef with the playground?  I'll get right to it.  4 years ago when I had my first, and I was more of a sensitive mom, attending to her needs and listening to the chatter, I felt as though I was not attentive enough by the other moms' standards.  I didn't hold her hand the entire time, I didn't help her down the slide, I would feel eyes on me questioning if I was the nanny or the mom.  I didn't care, but it got to me.  Besides, that, I was frustrated in having to explain that I didn't have to clap each time my child came down the slide (even thought I was elated on the inside- at first), I didn't want to fall pray to the continuous praise of "good job," "you can do it," and my all time favorite "share".  I grew tired of the same structures, the same routine, and the exhaustion of being on guard.  It was nice to let me husband go with her and for me to stay home.  Somehow, I don't think Dads get this feeling.

Anyway, rather than focusing on this, let me tell you why I prefer the unstructured parks.  In an open space where things aren't orderly and organized by age or skill level, a child must figure it out for themselves.  Today when my 2 year old and I went on a hike, I was reminded of this.  You see, at their height, and still introduction to this world, all things present a challenge.  Each one unique and one that develops strength, agility, and eventually mastery.  When we decided to climb the small rocks and boulders, she approached them with caution, looking back at me and reaching out for my hand while still clutching to her apple slice with the other.  As much as I wanted to talk and explain and tell her things, I recalled Rachel Carson's wisdom "it is not half so important to know as to feel.  If the facts are the seeds that later produce knowledge and wisdom, then the emotions and impressions of the senses are the fertile soil in which the seeds must grow."  It's far more important for us to allow children to explore nature with their emotions than for us to teach them at these moments. At this time, it was far more important that my daughter come to realize she needed both her hands, her balance, how to use her feet to guide her over each rock and boulder, to examine that each one was different in shape and size, when to go over and when to go around.  The lessons that nature presented in this small patch of rocks allowed for her to develop far greater skills than any "structured" playground could offer.

These days, all playgrounds are void of rocks and boulder, of tree limbs to climb on, pebbles to fall and feel.  Instead their senses are refined through synthetic tactile experiences.  The feeling of falling on rubber or mulch.  The foamy squishy stuff where you don't get cuts and scrapes.  The "natural" plastic trees and painted branches and nylon ropes to climb and swing on.  Don't get me wrong, as cynical as I am about this, I'm also glad that playgrounds are being updated and a bit more thought and care are put into it.  I'm just trying to also say that this is not enough.  These experiences are not real, and for a child we must give them what is real from the start so they can experience it fully and understand the consequences of nature as well.  Falling from a plastic log onto a rubber mat is not the same as falling from a tree limb onto rocks and pebbles, or mud.  They way in which the body feels this fall is quite different.  (btw, I'm not advocating to let your child fall and get hurt, but if it needs to happen, well...).

When is the last time you as an adult climbed a tree and took a look at the world from that perspective, when did you hike over boulders and realize you foot slipping in that fine sand between your rubber sole and the rock.  This past weekend, we went camping and did quite a bit of hiking with the kids.  Both my husband and I put ourselves in a position where we were off the trial and on boulders and rocks and having to have our knee up by our ear to climb over something.  The perspective this gave me as an adult and how we need to continually challenge ourselves and our bodies was thrilling.  We truly need to get off the beaten path often and frequently if we are to raise our children to do the same in nature and in their lives. 

A few pictures from this weekend (a whole post on that coming soon):

Few more pictures from this morning:

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SHARE - the forced politeness

Share.  This is a word an infant hears repeatedly probably before they are even crawling.  A word that is said, over and over, and over and over again.  Share.  Share your toys, share your space, share your food, share your love, share your mommy, share, share, share.

Today, while I was in the playground I heard a grandmother (I am assuming this) tell the child, "SHARE!"  2 second pause.  "SHARE!"  "I said SHARE!".

I write it in caps and punctuate it as I heard.  So, if this is what I hear as an adult, can you imagine what the child hears?

I know I'm totally out of the box, down the road, across the hills, and deep in the woods, when it comes to this idea that we have to tell, yell, and force our children to share.  I don't think it's natural.  It's not.

Dr. Montessori talks about how the ages of 0-3 are when the child is developing his sense of self, also called Ego formation.  In this very fragile state he is building his sense of self unknowingly. It is an unconscious process in which the child absorbs the environment which includes behavior and social etiquette.  She also says that at this stage the child cannot "obey you" because he is listening to his inner teacher or his Will as she calls it.  The child's will is to develop himself, his strengths, his motor coordination, his ability recognize and categorize, and so much more.  At this stage, while all these high functioning processes are going on in the brain, he is unable to put himself outside of his body and consider how his actions are impacting the child next to him (who for the most part is a stranger in the playground).

It is essential and very important that we integrate and socialize our children to the culture in which we live, however, there is time.  The time comes just after 3, closer to 4 when the child starts to realize how his actions are impacting another.  After 3, the child has a conscious mind, a mind that seeks to learn from you, become a concrete thinking relating to his/her environment.

So, how do we get from the formation of the ego to a well adjusted and considerate child?  By modeling that behavior ourselves.  If we are polite and courteous to others, if we smile and open a door to another adult or child, if we offer assistance to another person, if we use words like "please," "may I," "thank you," and truly embody the sentiments of compassion and consideration to a fellow human being, then just then will our children become aware and understand what "share" truly means.

It saddens me to see what rude adults we become, sheltered in our own world, self-reliant, self-absorbed, self-centered, and all the while believing we are better for it.  Believing that being this way is being independent.  To me, independence is also knowing when you need help, knowing the difference between solitude and solace, empathy and sympathy, reaching out to others, and being true to oneself.

If we are to demand our not crawling, not walking, not talking children to SHARE!  Then maybe we should start by demanding the same of ourselves.

If the notion of sharing is that of; walking a mile in another man's shoes, then we should start by taking small steps in our children's shoes.  Understanding the complexity of an adult world through their eyes would be far better than forcing them to SHARE!

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4 year old makes dinner

Last night my 4 year old insisted on helping to make dinner.  It turned out she mostly made everything that didn't require the stove.  Since we've been doing this for years now I'm very comfortable and confident in her abilities.  I hope the photos can tell the story alone.  We made it all up as we went along.  She helped me mix the salts and spices for the rub to go on the chicken.  .

 Grating nutmeg for the mashed potatoes.

 We ended up calling it Prosciutto wrapped stuffed chicken with garlic spinach and mashed potatoes

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The Road to Independence

Independence is a word many parents adopt into their vocabulary early on.  From the start we all want to help our children become "more independent".   Independence, however, is not given or earned, it is a quest of the human condition.  Dr. Montessori stated that Independence is psychological and biological.  Therefore, as parents and caregivers to these human beings that are newly entering the world, we must respect that need for independence and allow the child to come to his/her full potential.

We do what we can with what we have (financially and with physical space). We didn't have everything we wanted for our first, we accumulated items along the way, and have a wish list that we ask our family to consider for birthdays and holidays.


Here are some ideas on helping your child become more independent based on things that have worked for us:

* Have all items they will need in a low shelf so that they can help set the table, get their bowls, plates, spoons, cups, on their own.

* Use real plates, glasses, cups with handles, forks, etc that are child size so they can feel a part of the family and learn good manners along they way rather than struggling it with it later.

*Keep a routine (vs. a schedule).  A routine will help a child know what comes next.  Keeping to the same order of things at each meal, cleanup, getting ready for bed, making the bed, getting dressed, etc, will allow them to repeat the same actions over and over thus perfecting that skill.

* Start with small and basic steps.  When helping a newly walking child clean up, give them the spoon or fork to take to the kitchen.  When they have mastered that, they can then take the cup, and once that is mastered, they can add on carrying the plate, and disposing of the remnants in the trash.  (This is a larger topic which I will expand upon in part 2)

* Set up the child's room so that they know where their things are.  Keep all clothes in low shelves so they can pick out their clothes and dress themselves.  Both my children (very strong willed), loved to pick out their clothes and get dressed by  18 months.  It tries my patience frequently at their choices of attire, but in allowing them the freedom to choose and become independent, I must let them make those choices which are also times they can learn a lesson from- like wearing not enough clothing on a cold day.

 I had hoped to make picture labels for each cubby, but within 2 weeks both children by 18 months knew which drawer had what clothes.  At first the entire thing was for my older daughter, now the top is hers and the bottom is for the little on.

*Washing hands and blowing noses.  Early on, as soon as they start eating, carry your child to the sink and wash their hands.  The routine and consistency of washing their hands in water will help them to have control and independence to do it on their own when they start to walk and are able to get to a sink on their own. Think of it as saving the environment from all those wipes.

 I realized my mistake when I took this picture.  For months we've had a small bar of soap, but recently, we put this giant one and the little one had such a difficult time holding this.  The hotel bars are perfect for them. We also prefer bars of soap over liquid.  Less waste.

*Have appropriate size stools or step stools so children can reach up to wash hands, brush teeth, and help out at the counter.  Do not put their dishes up high and have them climb up, instead move the dishes lower so they can hold them while having two feet firmly on the ground.  

These chairs are great for them to be able to get up and down on their own when sitting at the dining table.

*Give children the opportunity to help in the kitchen to prepare food, set the table, and cleanup all areas of the house.  Having child-size brooms, dustpans and such will enable them to be successful.

*One ability must be mastered before being challenged with a new one. Challenges not obstacles was a constant reminder to us when taking the course.  When challenged there is a new skill to be learned.  When an something becomes an obstacle, we tend to give up or feel inadequate. Mastery of a skill will help the child feel confident so that they can readily acquire new skills.  

* We cannot expect children to know what to do just by telling them.  We must demonstrate, even if it means letting go of control, and slowing down to a pace that is comprehensible to them.

*Practice a task yourself putting yourself in  your child's shoes.  This will help you to know how to present the activity to your child.  When carrying a glass, use two hands holding it carefully and walking slowly.  Children will imitate this behavior and you can encourage them to walk slowly so they can be successful by not dropping it.

Most of all, be patient and slow down.  Life is difficult for us as adults, having children adapt to a grownup world is challenging for them, so it's up to us to sometimes change our world to adapt to their needs.

Also check out cooking with kids for ideas in the kitchen and with food prep, and freedom and discipline on the importance of responsibilities which ultimately lead to independence.


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Living Montessori Now