Kid's Tea Party- Kids help Host.

We had a few friends over on Friday for a tea party.  My 4 year old has been wanting to have some friends from school over to play and have tea with.  So, we did.  I learned that it was a great opportunity for her to learn how to host, and how to prepare for guests.  She cleaned up the house and got lots of things ready for them.  I allowed her the to opportunity to decide how to prepare, and organize things.  Giving this opportunity to make decisions and do things her way gave her the chance to feel in charge and happy to do things for her friends.  This is not in preparation for being little miss hostess, but I do hope that it will give her the confidence to make decisions and to feel valid in being able to contribute to the family and more importantly, herself.  I didn't set out for this to be the outcome, but in the process it did.

She washed and set up all the cups for tea.

She decided how to cut and set up all the tomatoes and cucumbers. 

The little one also wanted to contribute by helping, but we didn't server these. We saved them for our home snack.

I attempted strawberry goat cheese spread (chevre) with honey.  Unfortunately, I used too many strawberries so had to add in some cream cheese. 

We had a spread of apricot scones, almond jam toasts, cut strawberries (which she cut up), veggies, quiche lorraine, and apple strudel muffins which her friend and her brother made. 

She also loves pouring tea for her sister. 

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Gung Hay Fat Choy!

I've been wanting to make some dumpling soup for a while.  With it being Chinese New Year today, it really pushed me since we've been reading lot of books preparing for traditions and customs (see facebook, and library thing for references).


The 4 year old helped me make them with the little one trying to help cut cabbage at the end.

 Dumplings with pork, shrimp, green onions, rice wine, soy sauce (I use liquid aminos), ginger, and brown sugar. 

 soup with a side of cabbage with rice vinegar and pickled watermelon radishes from the garden.

Pickled watermelon radishes, see recipe from CHOW.  Since I was out of white vinegar I used a mix or apple cider and rice vinegar, and turbinado instead of white sugar.  The kids could eat the whole jar if I let them.  They are taste wonderful, but watch out when you open the jar- phew!

Using a utensil- practice activities.

The simplest act of using a utensil begins when we introduce solid food.  I started both my kids around 6 months.  I loved the IKEA play set which contained real spoons and dishes.  They were the perfect size for infant portions.  As the gained better motor coordination, I gave them one spoon to their hand and I fed with another.  Soon, as they developed their abilities they were able to eat on their own around 12-14 months.

The emphasis for utensils is cultural.  Dr. Montessori pointed out that we are a product of our time and place.  Where and when we are  shape who we are.  Forks and spoons are a huge part of the Western etiquette for proper social behavior and table manners.  As an adult, it is our responsibility to help our children learn these social norms to adapt into society.  Many other cultures, including my own, use their fingers or chopsticks for meals and many different etiquette are part of those cultures and social norms. Because of this, I have allowed my children to both learn to eat with their hands and utensils, we're only now considering introducing the chopsticks to the 4 year old who has shown a great interest in it.  I'm working on getting the starter set!


Another aspect of table manners is also washing your hands before and after meals, and sitting while eating.  These are often seen as unnecessary or something that will come later as the child grows older.  Unfortunately, this is not true.  It is far more challenging to change habits when we don't start early.  Using wipes to clean an infants hands continues and a child then waits with their hands outstretched for it to be done for them.  Instead simply carrying them and washing their hands under running water will be as effective.  (I hope to do a pots on Washing Hands soon).

When I was teaching I had a little boy who was almost 3 whose mother asked me if she could come in at lunch time to feed him. I explained that it would be best for him to learn to eat on his own and by being with his peers who varied in age he would adapt quickly.  She called me everyday for weeks to see how he was doing.  When I said he had a lot of trouble sitting down for the meal she asked me if I would hold him and feed him.  I explained this would be impossible and it would be unproductive to his development.  It took a long time for this little boy to adapt, mostly because he wasn't expected to do the same at home.  He was fed all meals either in a high chair, or dinner which was in front of the TV so he wouldn't walk around as much.

My point in this story, is that it is in the home that the child learns the most basic and vital life skills that will serve him for the rest of his life.  Taking a little extra time and effort in the early years will benefit them greatly when they reach adulthood.

I was told a few years ago by a very close friend that she felt ill equipped with carrying on simple things like cleaning and cooking and how to care for herself as an adult because most of her life her mother did everything and never asked that the children help out. (see Road to Independence)

In many ways, we have to let go of things being perfect all the time, or things being messy, or things not being done the way WE want.  It's not about us, it's about the child and what's best for their development.  The only thing that will be perfect is the joy the child will have when he knows he did something all by himself.

 In this "presentation" two similar bowls and a small spoon are set up as above.  I spooned all the peas from one bowl to the other very slowly so that she could see my movements.  Once I was done, I moved the bowls back from full on left and empty on right, and then moved the tray in front of her so she could carry on. 

 This is a lesson in the Primary classroom, it's usually for a child between 2 1/2 to 3.  My little one is just 2 but I was aware of her abilities and felt confident in giving this to her.

Towards the end, she ended up pouring the grains from bowl to bowl.  Depending on who you ask, some might say to stop the activity, but recently when I attended a refresher course, it was also pointed out that if the child is engaged and seems to be concentrating and "working" then we should allow them to go on.  If they are misusing by banging and throwing then there is no purpose and it would be wise to ask them to clean up.  As you can guess, after a while the peas ended up all over the table and floor and so it resulted in cleaning up.




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Giving Thanks, and Feasting.

I might just let the pictures do the talking.  I was inspired by Martha Stewart's magazine, and some from Sunset.  I changed many recipes to make sure they were gluten free.  All except when it came time to making pie crust.  Trader Joe's offered an easy out with ready made crust.  

The last three years have been my turn to make our Thanksgiving meal.  It is the one time of the year my family comes to my house and I get to cook a meal from scratch for everyone.  We keep telling ourselves we're not going to complicate it, but I cannot help but be excited and want to try out a new and different recipe each year.

I had placed a heritage turkey on hold from Whole Foods, but when I got there later in the evening on Wednesday, they had oversold and so I was offered an organic bird and half price.  Well, considering I was going to pay near $80 for a heritage bird, paying significantly less for an organic one sounded like a great deal.  I was disappointed but there's always next year.  

I don't have a picture of the stuffing, but switching bead to quinoa was healthy and tasted ok, but it really would have been much better with bread. 

 Prepping a selection of mushrooms and hazelnuts for our wild-mushroom-leek-and-filbert-dressing

 I used gluten free ladies fingers and amaretti cookies for a tiramisu trifle.

 Rubbing the bird with an herb butter

The cranberry-maple-jelly was amazing.  It didn't set too well in my fish mold.

 

 The creamed onion and sage was delicious but more of an adult taste.  I used a gluten free flour for both this and for the turkey gravy.  I learned a little goes a long way due to the tapioca starch in it. 

 Since I couldn't find delicata squash for this, I simply used acorn squash which was quite tasty.  I also used a combination of prosciutto and bacon.

Cooking such a feast leaves me exhausted since it's a two day job.  However, I'm always thankful to have my family and friends be a part of it.  The joys of making a meal and sharing it with others is something that I have always enjoyed.  Making it from scratch and with wholesome and healthy ingredients while also being mindful of where they come from and how they are grown and processed is making me appreciate everything that I buy and serve my family and friends.  I hope that sharing such an experience will not only enhance our relationships with each other, but also cultivate a better appreciation and gratitude for those who provide our food.  Making this year's thanksgiving a sustainable feast was a challenge that was worth taking on.  It was also a challenge to shop for most things before we left for a trip to Zion and came back with a few hours left on Wed to shop.

As it's been a tradition of ours for 8years now, we participate in a 5K on Thursday morning so that the homeless will have meals throughout the year.  This year there were over 7,000 participants.  Being mindful of what we have as a start to our Thanksgiving day has made the day even more enjoyable.

As I sat in mass today for the first day of Advent, I was reminded that even though Christmas is a season to welcome the new and look forward to the gifts of the new year, it is also a perfect opportunity to take a moment to look back and be grateful for all that the past year has provided for us.  Be it a small gesture, a new adventure, a large gift, or just the new people in our lives, taking the time to appreciate what we have and have had gives as much meaning as looking forward to the new.

It's been difficult to see the positives in my life in the last few weeks, but I took a day to myself yesterday, and simply having time to myself gave me the opportunity to reflect on all that has come to pass this year.  Of all the things I am thankful for, I am (even if I don't seem like it), I am deeply thankful for the time I have with my children at home.  I am thankful that I get to see their smiles, their first words, their joys at learning something new, their hearts being filled with excitement as they discover their abilities, the times we spend cooking and dancing, and even the more dreadful ones like potty training.  It is trying to give of yourself all the time, but I am grateful that these will be my memories of my children.  I struggle with not being fulfilled in my career that has been left on the back burner, but then I realize what greater personal development could I have than watching my own children grow.  Knowing the struggles of parenthood will only aid me once I step back into a classroom.

So, for the light, wisdom, and guidance my children bestow upon me day after day, and with each gray hair I grow and pound I don't shed, I am thankful for a year of love and happiness that I have been surrounded by.  There can be no greater sensation that little giggles and small hands that reach out tenderly, and to have that throughout most of my day- I am thankful.




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Kids on the GO!

I often wonder how other mother's do it.  They seem to have time to be dressed beautifully, have all their stuff in toe, and be happy (or appear to be).  Now, I'm fully aware that that's my perception and it's hard on us all.  I wonder what it's like at home for other mothers.  I often hear, "oh it's too hard, so we're always out," or "yes, that's why we try to keep busy and stay out of the house."  Hmmm....  This has had me thinking, and re-thinking over the years.  This was something that came up with the first and now again with the second.  I tried for a short time to pack up and get out of the house as often with my oldest.  Now with the second, it's less likely since we have to go pick up the other one from school mid-day.  So, this is my schedule but I kept thinking there's more to this.  Why am I so hesitant to do this? Why does this NOT fit my life-style?  What is it that's preventing me from being a "park/playground mom"?

Over the past few weeks I've been taking myself out of being "me" and being tied down the the "drudgery" that I've felt in our daily activities.   I've tried to look at it in another perspective and in the last two days it hit me, or rather I reminded myself why I'm doing what I'm doing.  Yes, there was a reason I didn't think I was going to send my kids to the Toddler class.  I was home, so I was going to do these things myself.  I was going to show them how to eat at a table, sit down when eating, clean up, put their shoes on, help them become toilet-trained, help them get dressed, help them learn how a home functions, and how to function in society.  Aha! Eureka.

So, why do I stay at home and not roam all over town to a new park each day.  Well, we try to get out, to go to a museum, to go on a hike, to play at the beach, or visit the library, and lots of trips to various grocery stores.  However, there is a very crucial stage in which children need to be at home or a home-like environment which provides the necessary activities to become independent.  They need to be comfortable and know where things are.  If their environments are to be changing daily there is no structure and therefore no routine.  Children like to have order and they actually crave it.  They like to know where their things are and where things belong.  They like to know what is expected of them, to have a routine, to have some discipline (see freedom and discipline ), and to become confident in that environment.  Many changes and constant change sometimes leave children lacking confidence in their environment and therefore their abilities.   It is the age before 2-2 1/2 that we must provide structure so that as they grow older they can become accustomed to changes since they become confident in who they are and what they are capable of. 

I'm not saying that we must be locked up in our homes and stay here all the time.  Not at all.  Children should become part of our daily lives and activities. They should go to the grocery store and see the things we buy for our meals, they should become part of that process and allowed to help.  They should go to the library and pick out their books and hand the library card and put the return books in the bin.  All these things I hope to discuss in another post I've been working on.  We need to help children become part of a daily routine which is meaningful to them.

However, instead of constantly taking children to the playground, park, children's museums, jump houses, aka child-oriented activities solely, we deny them of the opportunity to learn and grow.  All of a sudden as they age, we expect them to know how to put their clothes on and to be toilet-trained but never giving them the opportunities along the way to develop these skills slowly.  Toilet training should not happen in a week or so, it is a gradual process and one that requires clean up, knowing how to change out of wet clothes, put them into something, and to find new clothes to change into.  All these things must also be ready and in a place where they have access to.  Now, as I write this, we have been having lots of misses and also lots of successes. I'm still in the process of setting up the little one's environment. 

 

Changing underwear

The stable home environment (or daycare/preschool) allows children to be active and productive if it is set up in such a way.  They can explore and discover many new things, and they can exercise their skills consistently.  Knowing that they must sit down to eat a meal, clean up, wipe up, sweep, carry dishes to the sink, or dishwasher; these are all things you can do in a stable environment and not in a park.  Often when we are out, foods are finger foods, hands are not washed, utensils are not used, and dishes are plastic bowls or sippy cups. This will happen, this happens when you have a picnic, and that's great, it's healthy to get out and to do something different, but for this to be a daily routine is not helping children develop proper habits.  Prior to the age of 2, food plays a central role in their lives.  It provides for many sensory experiences.  I loved Michael Pollen's statement when he said that what distinguishes humans from animals is that we eat food, and not feed.  There is a social aspect to food beyond the need to fill our stomachs.  Children go home for lunch, or mostly eat at home.  Eating in public spaces is not a very common thing in most cultures either.  The idea of fast food, and eating on the go is predominant an American thing, but now we've just adapted it to eating "healthy" food on the go; juice boxes, milk boxes, goldfish, carrot sticks, string cheese, etc,

Cleaning up and taking care of an environment, knowing to put away and to put things where they belong, knowing to care for yourself, your appearance, your hygiene; these are all things that are best done at home.  A 5 year old who is put on a changing table in a public restroom is not something you will see in the rest of the world.  We have been staying home mostly these days as the little one (20 months) has been wanting to use the toilet.  Mostly we have misses, but on a day like today, there's been a lot of positive results as well.  It's never consistent, and as difficult as it is for me, I have to do it.  The loads mounds of laundry are unbelievable.  The cloth diapers she once used are now used to clean up the floor.  We're going through underwear sometimes 3 in an hour.  We also decided to stop using a diaper on the older one (4) 2 months ago.  So, we are also dealing with night time bed wetting with sheets, down comforters, and pillows being washed daily.  My mornings are spent running out to the garage and in the back yard to hang up the loads and loads so that it will be dry by evening.  Yes, to add to the stress, we do hang the laundry out to dry.  We use the dryer about 4 months out of the year in the winter months when there is little to no sun in the backyard.

By no means is this madness for all, but there is a reason why we do what we do.  Again, I will address sustainable living in another post.  However, as a society, all we are teaching our children is to become individuals on the go.  When we do that, we are also teaching them to use more resources than necessary.  Even a young child uses more resources than they should.  When everything in our lives become disposable we prevent children from seeing the value in things. 

It is hard, it is beyond hard to sit patiently while they take 5-7 minutes to put on their shoes, but by no means does this mean I sit an watch or "police" them in how to do it.  We do it together.  I have little to no time for myself because each activity provides for an opportunity to learn.  Not always, as is the case now, she is happily playing with her doll and feeding it and swaddling it.  She has kept herself entertained opening and closing some boxes and bottles, cleaned it up and put it away, to then move on to another activity of putting her doll to sleep.

The entire day cannot be spent taking forever for children to do things on their own time. Of course not, we'd never get anywhere.  But, when we do have the time, it's best to show them how to do things even if it's one or two things a day.  Even if you're a working parent who has to be out the door early, we can still take our time for one thing and help them to learn that one thing for a week or two and then change it.  They don't have to learn it perfectly, after all what does that mean?  perfect only means for them to be able to do it on their own, it means giving them the opportunity to repeat, repeat, repeat.  If we constantly dress them, eventually they will learn to believe that they do not know how to do it and so will just stand and wait for you to do it.

Steps and Stages:  Help children in small steps. As young as 15-18 months, let children do 1 or two things and then gradually help them build up.  Show them how to do something and then allow them to do it as they can, but be mindful in how many steps it takes.  The fewer the better. 

When my older daughter was about 2 she insisted on picking out all her clothes.  OH MY!  I'm so glad we took lots of photos, but how adorable to see her in a skirt, pants, unmatching shirt and something else random.  When she started school the teachers asked us if she dressed herself as it was quite obvious.  Now almost 2 years later, she picks out her clothes at night and sets them out to dress in the morning.  It's not always smooth and there are arguments, and whines not wanting to get ready quickly, etc etc.

As I said, I will write a separate post soon about what we do at home and how our home is set up.  I hope this explains a little bit about why we don't spend our days out all the time.

When my first child was born, one of the first things my mom said was how her mother said, 'Children love to be at home'.  I thought she was crazy.  Over the years I see how my children love to stay home and play, they love to play with all the tupperware, my shoes, put random stuff in a push cart and go in circles, take all the plates and cups and have a "tea party" in the middle of the floor.  When we come back from a trip, no matter what time even late at night, they perk up and go running around looking at all their things. 

So, in my experience, and for my kids, they love being at home at certain times, and then there are times we like to go out.  This is our family, of course yours is different, so we look forward to hearing what you do and how you spend your days.  I love to get ideas from other moms and especially from other blogs. It's an ever evolving philosophy and way of living.

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