A Mother's Gift

There is no greater gift we can give our children than life. Giving birth is one thing but teaching them how to live and live a full life requires dedication and patience.

As I look back at my life and how I've come to where I am as a person and now as a mother I am thankful for all that my mother did for me, mostly be being who she is and guiding me as she has done and continues to do.

The greatest gift my mother gave me was BELIEF. Not in the eternal sense but belief in myself. To know ones own strengths and weaknesses, to know your capabilities , to believe when you doubt, to trust your instincts, and to trust that being who you are and true to yourself will be your best guide in life, is not an easy thing to teach a child. I see this as my mother's greatest capacity as she not only instilled these values in me, but as a teacher I see her guiding the children in her care year after year and passing on her wisdom to those children and parents. I suppose being in a Montessori classroom for over 30 years now she has benefited from having the same children for 3 years to work her magic. And often she has siblings and relatives that also pass by. At home we joke that she is our "Strega Nonna".

This really struck me while I was preparing for my home birth with my second child. After she was born and my mother flew here to be with me, my midwife pointed out that I'm so lucky to have a supporting mother who carries with her the wisdom of the past, the wisdom of how to truly care for another person, and who understands the fragility of new life. She knew to be there to care for me so that I could care for my child, she knew to think for me and anticipate my needs before I even knew what they were. She knew to tell me to slow down and enjoy the peace and love of this new life in my arms, she taught me to respect my time with my child giving them undivided attention when nursing so that a stronger bond could be developed.

She was there for me with both my children, guiding and passing on what she had learned from her mother, a mother of 7. In her hands lay the wisdom of two generations and I hope that it goes from me to my children. My mother has only known the true and innocent love of children. In her lifetime she has only had 1 job, being an educator. My sisters and I joke, but it really is a beautiful truth that my mother carries with her the innocence of a child since her life is spent with us, the children in her class, and now her grandchildren. Her dedication to the child rivals that of Dr. Montessori in my eyes. As much as I can credit Dr. Montessori on her work, to me, the wisdom of my mother is far greater as it carries both the Montessori philosophy and also a cultural philosophy that is unique to my family.

The gravitas of being a mother is not in how we parent, but in what we pass on to our children.  Who we are and how we are with our children are sentiments that are absorbed by the child, and that is what will be life-long.  To preoccupy ourselves with the mundane rituals will only be a distant memory to them, as it is to us from our childhood.

 The relationship a mother has with a daughter is one thing, but to raise a boy who will one day be a man is also worth acknowledging.  I am fully aware that my husband didn't raise himself.  So, for him to be an understanding, gentle, and kind human being is also the influence of his mother.

My mother recently said something that really struck with me: as a parent you spend the best times worrying about if you're doing it right and about the small things.  As a grandparent you get to enjoy the grandchildren for who they are and and embrace the things you missed out in your children, as a parent.  It's sad that you miss out on just enjoying your own children.

Well, this hit home.  I don't want to miss out and not enjoy my children at this stage.  Worrying about something I will ultimately have no control over is truly a waste of time and energy.  I am thankful and lucky to have an amazing mother in my life.  I know this, and I don't expect my children to feel the same about me, but I hope that if I treat my mother with respect and I honor who she is and what she has to teach me, then my children can bare witness to respecting me as their mother.




Like it or not, know them or not, only a mother brings us into this world, and simply taking a moment to respect and honor that another human being did this for us is worth a day.

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Motherhood = Bipolar

If anyone asks me these days to describe motherhood, I think the best word is to stay "bipolar".  It seems to be a life of extremes at times, and it can be in the same day, or it can be in the same moment.  You can be so in love with your children, your life, and then 5 minutes later, you want to run away.

OK, so I seem to be getting a lot of words of reassurance these days that all will be well.  So, let me be clear on this. I do write this with my sense of humor added to it.  Yes it's hard, yes, it's irritating at times (when you clean the floor 10 times in a day, no lie), yes, it's tiring, yes, it's exhausting, and yes, I do want to run away sometimes, but YES, I love my children more than anything in the world, and I do love my husband, and my family we have created.  Contrary to how I come across in some of these posts I'm not sitting at home depressed and in melancholia.  In fact, it's been the opposite.  It's been so busy and hectic, it's tiring to keep up with it all.

I've been having some wonderful discussion with friends about motherhood and how it's an unfair portrayal.  If you had to get paid for this, man, we'd be bringing in some good money.  Alas, it is a life of choosing and so you choose no personal freedom, and the right to sit in front of a group of people as a panelist only to realize you have egg yolk stains all over your black sweater which luckily was put on the right side, this time.

Yes, this is motherhood, and it was a choice.  It was a choice not once, but twice, and I'd do it all over again for these two crazy kids.  They are just so fun and loving, and wonderful to be around.  They have fun together, they have the best smiles and giggles, and they love with all their might that you know you are loved more than anything else in their world, and that is worth all the aches and pains of the day.  The wet snotty kisses, and the hand prints on your thighs in mango smoothie, to the waking in the morning to two sleepy heads climbing over you, or the endless chit chat or "why, why, and why" are the delights that make this unpaid job rewarding.

So, I chose this as my career for now, but I also realize this will come to an end soon, and maybe sooner than I wanted it to.  For now, I am realizing how much I love my time with the girls and how fortunate I am to have had this time.  In all the years ahead for me, I will have all the time I need to work, but these years when words are mispronounced and i make no effort to correct them since that indicates that she will be all grown up; these are the years that will be their baby years.  These are the years you don't get back.  They go by in an instant and I don't want to miss any of it.  I chose to be a stay at home mother before we even got married.  I knew it was something I wanted, but I had no idea how hard it would really be.  Being away from any family only makes it 10 times harder, so to anyone who lives near any family, consider yourself blessed.  My husband and I talk about how nice it would be to have either one of our parents nearby where we could drop them off on a Sunday and he and I could go watch a movie and have some lunch together.  Oh well.

Well, like I said, motherhood is a little like being bipolar.  You have your high highs and your low lows.  But at the end of the day, those little sleeping bodies with their drool on their pillows, cuddling stuffed rabbits and bears, with their legs off the bed, or their bodies off the bed and only head on the bed, are all that you think about.  Case and point, it's 10:50 and I'm writing about them instead of taking a shower, drinking a glass of wine, or catching up on Mad Men.  I tell you, but most of you already know!

Happy Belated Mother's Day!  Why is it only 1 day that we get?.....