If anyone asks me these days to describe motherhood, I think the best word is to stay "bipolar". It seems to be a life of extremes at times, and it can be in the same day, or it can be in the same moment. You can be so in love with your children, your life, and then 5 minutes later, you want to run away.
OK, so I seem to be
getting a lot of words of reassurance these days that all will be well.
So, let me be clear on this. I do write this with my sense of humor
added to it. Yes it's hard, yes, it's irritating at times (when you
clean the floor 10 times in a day, no lie), yes, it's tiring, yes, it's
exhausting, and yes, I do want to run away sometimes, but YES, I love my
children more than anything in the world, and I do love my husband, and
my family we have created. Contrary to how I come across in some of
these posts I'm not sitting at home depressed and in melancholia. In
fact, it's been the opposite. It's been so busy and hectic, it's tiring
to keep up with it all.
I've been having some
wonderful discussion with friends about motherhood and how it's an
unfair portrayal. If you had to get paid for this, man, we'd be
bringing in some good money. Alas, it is a life of choosing and so you
choose no personal freedom, and the right to sit in front of a group of
people as a panelist only to realize you have egg yolk stains all over
your black sweater which luckily was put on the right side, this time.
this is motherhood, and it was a choice. It was a choice not once, but
twice, and I'd do it all over again for these two crazy kids. They are
just so fun and loving, and wonderful to be around. They have fun
together, they have the best smiles and giggles, and they love with all
their might that you know you are loved more than anything else in their
world, and that is worth all the aches and pains of the day. The wet
snotty kisses, and the hand prints on your thighs in mango smoothie, to
the waking in the morning to two sleepy heads climbing over you, or the
endless chit chat or "why, why, and why" are the delights that make this
unpaid job rewarding.
I chose this as my career for now, but I also realize this will come to
an end soon, and maybe sooner than I wanted it to. For now, I am
realizing how much I love my time with the girls and how fortunate I am
to have had this time. In all the years ahead for me, I will have all
the time I need to work, but these years when words are mispronounced
and i make no effort to correct them since that indicates that she will
be all grown up; these are the years that will be their baby years.
These are the years you don't get back. They go by in an instant and I
don't want to miss any of it. I chose to be a stay at home mother
before we even got married. I knew it was something I wanted, but I had
no idea how hard it would really be. Being away from any family only
makes it 10 times harder, so to anyone who lives near any family,
consider yourself blessed. My husband and I talk about how nice it would be
to have either one of our parents nearby where we could drop them off on
a Sunday and he and I could go watch a movie and have some lunch
together. Oh well.
Well, like I said, motherhood is a
little like being bipolar. You have your high highs and your low
lows. But at the end of the day, those little sleeping bodies with
their drool on their pillows, cuddling stuffed rabbits and bears, with
their legs off the bed, or their bodies off the bed and only head on the
bed, are all that you think about. Case and point, it's 10:50 and I'm
writing about them instead of taking a shower, drinking a glass of wine,
or catching up on Mad Men. I tell you, but most of you already know!
Happy Belated Mother's Day! Why is it only 1 day that we get?.....