Refreshed!

Last weekend I attended the AMI Montessori refresher course in Forth Worth.  It has been 5 years since I last attended one, and that one being my first since I received my diploma in 2005.  I truly was refreshed and back to the enthusiasm and energy that I had while taking the training.  Each day was filled with information that we already knew, but a new way in which to look at it, and implement it in the classroom.  For me, I took it as how I can implement this in my home and maintain the right attitude with my children.

The topic or theme for this year was about the formation of the human personality.  It was so beautiful and meaningful and I had a moment on Sunday when we were discussing the vital aspect of the outdoor activities and cooking that it made me so happy.  I had a moment of pure joy when I realized that who I am and what I do are one.  I suppose this makes my job easier :)  My two personal loves; nature and food are integral aspects of the Montessori environment besides the material.  I hope that I am able to provide for my children at home what they may or may not get at school. 

 Working in the garden

Helping mix and make burgers for dinner.

Many people have asked me what makes Montessori education different than traditional schools.  It's not something that was easy for me to respond with but the word that was used a lot over the weekend was RESPECT.  It sounds harsh to say that schools and teachers don't have respect for children and only Montessori schools do.  This is not true.  I have many great friends who are teachers, and I know what an amazing job they do.  The difference though is that the Montessori environment itself respects the natural tendencies and psychological developments of the child; and that in itself is respectful to the child.  It is something that is unsaid and unseen.  It is a natural flow that the adult and the environment present to the child.  This is why there must be a properly trained adult who is able to observe the needs of the child without judgement or reservation.  The needs of the child outweigh the needs of the adult or the school.  The needs of the community outweigh the needs of a single child.  These are all very delicate and interlaced and built up in steps and stages through the varying developmental stages of the child.  Each child learns that they are then part of a greater community and one must work towards "social cohesion". 

This is one of my favorite aspects of the Montessori classroom as well.  Nothing is mine, everything is ours.  There is only one of everything and each child learns to care for it as it is shared by the community.  They also learn to wait, if something is in use.  This is something we are striving very hard to maintain in our home.  Although, we have to set limits and boundaries with electronics and such.  A 3 year old is fast to pick up on "ours" to mean that they can also use the computer.  So, there are sets of rules that only adults use certain things in the house, but it is for all the adults.  With freedom comes responsibility, and freedom must be regulated initially so that the responsibility is not overwhelming to a child.  They can only handle so much, so we must protect them and give them only as much as they can handle.  This is also where limited choices comes in.  Many people think I'm strict or that I don't allow my kids to choose, but in fact it's the opposite.  I want them to have the ability to make decisions for themselves, but for the young child endless choices are too difficult.  Narrowing it down to 2 or 3 give them freedom to choose with limits that they can comprehend. 

I have so much more to share, but I must get back to organizing this house.  I'm so excited for Spring and Summer gardening as we are expanding and trying out new things.  We've been pretty busy the last few months getting ready.  I hope to post more frequently, but that seems to be what I say each time I get on here.  Well until next time.

 Homemade gluten free pizza with arugula from the garden.

 Paella with friends to celebrate new beginnings.

Crema Catalan (aka flan) made with steeped orange zest and cinnamon.

Guilty Amnesia

Once again I'm up since 2 am and unable to get back to sleep.  Mostly, it's thinking about yesterday and now feeling guilty how it turned out.  This is normal for me.  I don't know about you, but somehow guilt is the engine that seems to drive me, and I'm not saying that it's in a forward motion at all, nor do I think it's healthy.  Why is this?  Why is it that as women we feel guilty about everything we do?  Why is it men don't seem to show an ounce of it, and can't comprehend why we even feel guilty about the things we do?  Well, I don't know, but I'm fed up of it.

You see, no one ever tells you how hard it is to have a family.  We all say how great it is, and how it changes your life, and the love of a child is immeasurable.  Yes, these are all true, but it's only as time goes on do you come to terms with the daily challenges that comes about as well.  The life you once knew is gone.  Not only are some of us ill fated to be scared and marked up and stretched out like dough on a pasta roller, but then we are also subjected to the emotional imbalance and turmoil of juggling our own needs with those of the family.  Yes, you see, these are things that our mothers fail to tell us.  Maybe it's intentionally, or maybe it's amnesia.  I'm not sure which one it is.  Somehow both our mothers only remember the good, and they seem to find  humor in moments that led to grey hair.

I'm guessing it's like childbirth, once you're done with it, you forget about it.  This is probably why only women can give birth.  Men, would figure out how outsource it.  No, I'm not upset with my husband for anything particular right now, just noticing the differences in attitude.

I'm not sure how your house runs, but it seems like between a 3 year old and a 8 month old, it's a daily routine of crying and shouting, and that includes me in this mix.  I try to find ways to approach this from my wonderful Montessori training, redirecting, asking why, being firm but loving, giving limited choices, allowing her the time and space to calm down, taking time for myself to calm down.  It goes on, but you see, this doesn't last past 10 am sometimes (if not in school).  Getting through the day requires high doses of caffeine, sugar, and a 30 minute "escape" into the media world while they are napping (if that happens).

So, why is this so difficult.  I have realized that 80% of it is lifestyle choices.  Yes, I will admit to this.  It's from the choice to do cloth diapers, to drying them on the line, from not having a TV to put them in front of so I can shower or cook, from 90% home cooked meals to home made baby food, from allowing the children to feed themselves followed by the giant mess that's left, from working with them to clean up and help with household chores, from not having a play pen or a bouncy chair or a crib, from not using a pacifier, and from choosing to breastfeed for 16-18 months which leaves you with interrupted sleep.  Yes, I could easily help myself by changing a few things here and there, and we have embraced disposables when traveling with the second child.  This is not a list that I ever saw myself doing.  I didn't think I'd be so granola about having kids, but somewhere along the lines, I made these choices, and now I'm having to deal with it.  Yet, I can't seem to give them up either.  I think that's where the guilt comes in.  The guilt of not doing these things seem to outweigh giving them up.  Why is that? I attest it to being an Asian catholic woman.  Yeah, that's it, a full fledged dose of all kinds of guilt with a side of extra guilt in case you forget.

Well, I suppose like any 12 step program acceptance is the first to the road of healing.  So, I accept my bullshit list of choices I have made.  I accept they bring me more grief than necessary.  I do not judge anyone for doing what they do to get through the day or life.  I wish I had time to get to the gym, or wax my legs, or shower more often.  I wish I knew how to be happy with the choices I have made and not feel as they are a burden that has been imposed on me.

There is one rule by which I stand.  I do not wish to be a supermom, I do not wish to do all the chores myself, I'm totally fine with letting my husband have his way in cleaning or whatever it is.  I have no desire to do it all myself, oh no!  I'm not one of those woman who gets to do my hair and make up and show up on time looking like a million bucks after reorganizing the entire house and making a home made meal dressed like a diva.  No way.  I'm not a gym mom.  I'm not a soccer mom.  I'm not a lot of things.

My new year's resolution for the last two years has been "do less".  Yes, that's right, I want to do less, and live more.  You may think that's a contradiction, but not for me.  I never wanted to be a crafty person, in fact the thought of it still drives me nuts.  However, I'm frugal and hate the idea of wasting.  In the above mentioned list, I have taken on crafty things as a way to escape as well.  I've found this to be relaxing and a way in which I can remain in my house, but escape my mind.  So, yes, I supposed I'm doing more than I have before, but it's not for the reasons of doing, but being instead.  

I'm not sure how to escape the guilt, and I'm not sure I ever will, but I once read an article that said we should treat ourselves well once in a while.  Yes, and for this I have allowed myself a once in a while massage to relax.  I'm still cashing in on backlogged gifts so I'm very thankful for them.  It is an hour escape every 3-6 months, but oh how glorious it is.  I like the airplane metaphor for mothering "put on your oxygen mask before helping your child".  This is undoubtedly true.  What good are we to these children if we don't take care of ourselves, and by this I mean our emotional and mental health.  Being a basket case or a bundle of tightly wound up raging emotions is not good for any of us, and the worst is if my children remember me this way as part of their childhood.

Well what's a girl to do?  Grow up.  Stop being a girl and become a mother.







A few pictures of what keeps us together and crazy!

 Roasting beef bones to make home-made beef broth.  A 2 day process.

 A children's apron as a gift to her school fro her birthday.

 Playing in the mud which helps their senses and wonder.

 Prepping seed trays for fall gardening.

Making a roast chicken in the crock pot and then making broth with cubes of it for baby.

Fall Harvest

I'm not quite prepared to make a new post, but since I had an unexpected few minutes at the computer, I figured I'd at least post some pictures and get the momentum back for blogging and gardening.

I had many aspirations for this summers gardening.  Some of it worked out, some of it didn't.  A new baby and all this was quite overwhelming along with guests the entire summer.  No matter, it's all a trial experience and our lives have been filled with jams, breads, herbs, and lots and lots of tomato products.

 Introducing ladybugs into the garden

 Making cherry jam with my mom

Most of the stuff has now been pulled out with a few remaining tomatoes and butternut squash.  Our heirloom varieties provided us with some amazing soup and recently butternut squash risotto with a brown butter sage sauce over it.

The little ones have been enjoying the "veggies" of our labor and it has been comforting to know that we can eat it right out of the yard not worrying about pesticides and such.  The beauty of our front yard gardening is also that it has brought many of our neighbors over with curiosity and friendship.  Many families stop by to look at the growing crop.  Elderly comment how it reminds them of their youth back in the mid-west farms they grew up on.  And a various neighbors from different countries point and ask in broken English what we are growing, if we eat it, what kind of soil or fertilizer we use, and some others who bring their crop to share with us so we can trade from our gardens.  It's been a rewarding experience for the kids and for us as a family to bring us closer to the community in which we live.

 Love making home-made dough for pizza.

 Our favorites with arugula on top and a fall favorite of figs with caramelized red onion and Gorgonzola .

Ratatouille with all veggies fro the garden.

I have great aspirations for this upcoming fall/winter season after purchasing 20 or so packets of seeds from Baker Creek.  Rare beets and carrots of various shapes and colors, greens and lettuces dating back to Jefferson and kings in France.  I just hope it will work.

Anyway, baby is awakening so I will sign off.  I hope to resume both this and my other blog soon.  I'm excited about the new group I hope to participate in Food Swapping that seems to be a growing movement nation wide.

 The purple Inca corn

 Mammoth sunflowers over 7 feet tall.

 Butternut squash

 Amarillo de Oro melons

 typical evening harvest.

Damn Jams

It's been a ridiculous task I have taken on, but it's been delicious and partly fun.  For the past month, I've been learning the craft of jamming and canning.   I've so far made 4 jams and 1 marmalade.  I've canned them all, and most have been with organic fruit.  It's mostly been from friends, lucky finds, and super sales.  I even went to the extend of an impulse by of Blue Chair Jam  cookbook. 

 Some friends had excess apricots on their trees, so it was a perfect excuse to make apricot-lemon jam.

 Spreading it on homemade biscuits for breakfast was perfect.

 I also made a second batch of strawberry jam infused with blood orange liqueur.

 My mom helping me pit and half the cherries from the farmer's market.

 The recipe called to crack open the pits and put the small kernels in a cheese cloth to steep and release it's almond like flavor. 

 It turned out more like a topping than a true jam (I didn't cook it long enough), but with the addition of Kirsh (a cherry brandy with a hefty price tag), it made it the best of all the jams so far especially with french vanilla ice cream (based on how quickly it disappeared around here). 

 The jams so far (2 kids of strawberry, apricot, and cherry).

We also got some amazing blood oranges from my kids pediatrician's office.  So, we made marmalade with it, and it turned out delicious, but not so beautiful.  

I've also gone crazy with the "let's make it at home" notion and started making my own yogurt after a wonderful discussion on Facebook, and after a few friends urged me to try it saying it was so easy.  Well it is, but it is time consuming and possibly not as cost effective (when considering organic milk), but it is less polluting since we're not buying a container of yogurt every 10 days.  I bought some really cute glass containers from Crate and Barrel and these will do for our flavored individual ones I buy on a blue moon.

 The process of yogurt I did was a combination of stove top and then placing it in a container on a heating pad and then refrigerating it.

It was pretty good with some of the apricot jam.

In addition, we've been making pizza dough at home since it's a breeze.  I'm also looking forward to making more pasta and ravioli soon, especially with all the produce growing in the garden.  Can't wait for the tomatoes!

 The last bag of mixed frozen cherry tomatoes from last year.

 These pictures were from two weeks ago, and it's amazing how much they have grown when I went out this morning.  In the beds are the tomatoes, and out are 3 varieties of cucumbers.

 The purple Inca corn, which is double this height today.

 The Long of Naples Squash that is supposed to produce 25 pound squash.  I didn't estimate for this when planting.

 Over a year old Swiss chard that I trimmed back to the stem and is once again producing a heavy crop.